Its called the past, cuz im getting past it.

Its been awhile.
I'm just pretty much tired of a lot of things.
im just so sick of school. drama. and just some personal complications.
but everyone has that. Well im pretty much tired and ready to sleep, but i just need some mid-night venting sesh to do. ten things i just want to say.


1) You need to watch what you say. I don't care if its about me youre talking about, but dont talk about the people i love. thats where you have crossed the line. I saw you as a great friend, but all i see now is a person who turned into a total hypocrite. Yeah, you said you would do whatever it takes to make sure im okay, but doesnt look like at all. You only think of yourself. You think what you say is all right. You think. You say. YOU YOU YOU! Never in my life have i met someone so selfish. so cruel. so immature. Im sorry, but this time, if you want me to stick around, you just get your ass over to me to talk to me. If you dont want to bother with me, fine. I can move on. espically with someone who wasn't even that big of a deal to me. Hope youre happy now.

2) I know its been awhile since we've talked and we're pretty much done with. but i still hope youre well. and i still want the best for you. Just because i keep my head down when youre around, does mean i dont see you. trust me, i can hear you -_-. but i just know, i havent been the best friend i can be. Ive said some awful things. And i can't take it back. but i honestly think, youre fine without me. Looks like youre doing good. so lets just keep it this way. thanks for everything.

3) Im just kinda glad we got close again. It still breaks my heard that i almost lost you. thanks for being here.

4) I dont know what happens, but i just happen to smile everytime we talk. idk if its just the fact youre just a great person to talk to or something. but youre really a great friend. i know times right now are tiring and you want to give up. but don't. dont give up. keep going. keep fighting. cause at the end, everything you've been fighting for, is worth it. =) lets go my soullljaa! hahaha

5) I miss the fact that we don't talk as much anymore. I really miss you. I know youre doing well and busy. But i just want to let you know, im just so happy for what you are doing. And i honestly i am happy when youre happy. So stay happy! (: take cares!

6) Im sorry. but it was awkward.

7) I honestly don't know what to say. its just during these past months i felt that there wasn't anything left. I thought you moved on to better things. Better things than me. And that gave me the push to go on and move on. But its just everytime when im about to step out the door, you just hold on to me and telling me not to go. It seriously breaks me apart the fact something is still there, yearning. I honestly want things to go back exactly the way thing were on that day. I tear up everytime i think about it. Not because im sad that is gone, but just how happy i was then when i was with you. But the fact is things have changed. And once our path just split apart into two diffferent directions. I'm sorry. I love you. but i have to go on my own way.

8) I know im not perfect. but believe me. im trying to do whatever it takes to atleast make you proud of me. im trying....

9) I miss you. Its just sad youre not here with us. The whole family misses you. I miss you so much. But i know youre in a better place just looking after us. I'm at ease youre doing well and i know youre in good hands. It just tears me up the fact you remembered me when you didnt remember the rest. And just how you smiled and firmly shook my hand everytime we came by to see you. Its just so bittersweet. But i love you and thank you.

10) You still inspire me till this day. Hopefully i get to see you again. I have so much things i have to tell you.


Yeah.

But i'm le tired.

Well all i have to say is that this week seriously got off to a really bad start.

first of all. im freaking sick. -_-
i haven't been sick in 2 years, and when winterformal rolls up... i get a cold.
like seriously i can't stop coughing and its killing my throat! im like in anatomy class and my throat starts to tickle and i seriously can't stop coughing. -_- and im pretty sure people are like, shut up! so, i try to hold it in. not a good idea. i start to tear up and tears are falling down my face. Camille, Jen, and Dominic are like looking at me if i have some kinda emotional stuff going on. but no. its this stupid cough. ANYWOOS! im still sick. but im getting better! yay.

Secondly, i've had some drama going on.
im not really gonna get into detailed with this. cuz its just something that you don't want to know. End of story.

Thirdly, i'm stressed out.
graduation is getting closer. i need to order my gown and cap, grad nite tickets. T^T which i have NO money for. Seriously, please donate to the Eunice Fund. =) hahaha. I need to get a job cuz im broke. i think im eating too much cuz of this stress. -_- not good. A lot of projects. ah shit. i just remember...i have english to study for -_- BLEHHH! just shoot me in the face. =(

So in conclusion...
I hate this week.

but on the upside, im doing okay in math&gov, since i get the stuff. and i got my acceptance to UCR. coooooooooool. now just waiting for my UCI admission. *fingers crossed* winter formal is this sat. yay. and i am just getting closer and closer to college. =)

Other than that, i hope everyone is having a better week than i am. So happy week to all you munchkins. =)

HEY, you, there!

Anyways. idk i was suppose to go to bed like an hour ago.BUT OH WELLS!
its been awhile since ive updated. but lets get on with this? yeah?

Well things been going pretty well. first week back from winter break. it seemed really long in class, but the week went by super fast! well maybe its because i was overwhelemed with test and projects. -__- so yaaaaaaaaa. well nothing really special about school. but me and my girls found a new hang out/lunch spot. Zen-sation. =) and may i say, they have some ridiculously good milk tea and boba. also crepes. Yuuuuuuuuum. Man. i want some milk tea now. =P Aside from the food, this week has been kinda bittersweet. like even though this week was kinda overwhelmed with a lot of thinking and decisions it was pretty chill. freaking friday night was like a seriously a series of laughing explosions! like omg i couldnt stop laughing once nikki told me she wanted to go tumbleweed hunting. LOL and i just ended up going with her at like freaking 8 in the morning. after that. we stopped by zen to get some milk tea boba. and went on our way to school for my polynesian practice. got it down. nikki picked me up again. and we went to lunch at rolling rice. and met up with kristen there. then we got some udon for caroline, since she was sick, and dropped by her house and we just talked for a bit. and then afterwards, me and nikki went to go paint our nails at her house WHILE watching maid of honor. =) but too bad i coudlnt finish it cuz stupid math project. so she dropped me off at teddy's house. and everyone. and we fooled around for a long time. afterwards we just totally went to work. except chris and rick. lol. then i left around like 6. got home. and i wanted to go to watch the unborn. but coudlnt and i was tirrrrred from waking up so early. so that was just my saturday. Sunday. ill just say it wasnt much fun. -_-

UGH SCHOOL TOMMOROW!
KILL ME NOW! =(

okay. well ill up date later.
AND OH! this has to be the funniest song. well atleast to me.
Listen to it! =)

Hey you there- soulja boy

choices, choices, choices.

i am tired. -___-
I want to go back to winter breakkk! =(

I dont want finals! =(
gah. i had a too good winter break that i dont even want to wake up in the morning.
Blah. oh wells. all im gonna say is, 09 did start out great. excluding school. =)

but some stuff got me thinking again.
& sometimes. that is nottt good. =
But whatevers.

less than 6 months till i graduate! =)
and omg. Feb. is winter formalllllllll!
Ayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee mami. hahaha.

im pretty sure whoever is reading this......
idk. but i feel like im kinda caught in the middle.
Like two paths right in front of you, but you just dont know what to choose.
and something that you really want & need isnt really a great choice
but at the same time its kinda scary that the path that is just too good to be true.
i dont know if you can comprehend, but idk. i feel like im stuck in that situation.
bleh.

anyways. chris is IMing to study for anatomy. sooooo bye dudes.

Feliz!

Man. I seriously sense 2009 is gonna be a good year. =)
I feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel it in my bones!

I seriously feel so happy. =)
idk if its was christmas. But ive been in this mood for awhile.
Idk! just things are going right. But ive actually came to realization that i cant really hold things back. And like even this year was shit, ive seriously became stronger, careful, and just smarter than wayy before. I went from the naive girl to a strong minded woman! HAHAHAHA. Oh jeez. but seriously. i have. Don't hate now. =)

But just things ive kept inside for so long. i finally let it go. and im seriously happier. I know life isnt fair. but there is something out there yu get to have. we cant just say life isnt fair if we cant get what we just want, we just tend to look at the downside of things and say that life is unfair. but when you actually look at the things you have now, you are blessed with the things you have now. For me. i was seriously unhappy because i was that selfish person that just wanted this and wanted that. but ive realized that i have all the things i need. and im pretty happy with that. I have good friends. a great family. and just the things i need. But just the little things will make me happy for awhile, but its gone. Its just temporary. Thats cool and all, but at one point it's purpose will fail. Cuz either things change or you just get bored of it. And just our selfishness prevent us from being happy. So. if you can't get something you want. just let it go. there is always something else better out there for you =) You can't have someone else just make you happy, the only person who can make you happy is YOU!

Anywayss! Aside from my whole lecture of happiness. =)
I am going to make some new years resolutions. hahaha.
Hey, i got goals and dreams to achieve!

New Years Resolution

- Get a Job
- Try not to get senioritis! (pwhaha)
- Read more books
- Pick up playing guitar again
- Don't let myself go. HAHA
- Listen more & understand more
- Think less of me, and think of others more.
- Just have a great senior Year & freshman year in college. =)

i think this is the most simplest resolution list ive ever made. =) i hope i can i get this all done during 2009. =)

Anyways. I got to finish up some hw. so i dont end up procrastinating. =) SO adios!

New Years Day- John West

BitterSweet.

i hate dreams.
i hate it espically when you know it can't magically come true.
but dreams are dreams. it just sometimes shows us our inner desires. Some just we really want. you know ambitions, goals, aspirations, and sometimes things we want but we can't admit we want it. but i just had a dream that just revealed me somethings that i honestly didn't want to see. It wasn't a nightmare, more just of a dream that isnt gonna come true. so its more of a downer dream. boo..

well... on the upside. I seriously did not have a great saturday night like this in a lonnng time. Well after getting the whole "you can't go to the christmas party" from my mom was a total bummer. We got up at 8 oclock, got ready to head down to big bear. But before we headed down there, we stopped by the auto shop to pick up my mom's car (some retarded girl hit it when my mom's car was parked). This auto shop was like also like a car dealership place. so while we were waiting for our car, my dad had me look around for a potential car. =)

Oh my gosh. i just want a freaking maroon colored bmw. ><

Hello world. Meet Ted, the bear. =)

Overall. AMAZING NIGHT! =)
Thank you for the present leann, nikki, andy, & caro <3>

I just love it when nights like these just totally just washes away the other bad days i've had. With the two days home alone cuz of my test. AND THEN ALL my test getting cancelled on friday -__- and just crazy xmas shopping at puente & Yeah. Eagle Dos & Caro knows wsp. But i really dont give a hoot. so whatevers. BUT Xmas party + Annums house= THE best way to start off break! =) I love you guys!

Well its now THREE DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!!!!

& Guess what? Im going back up to the mountains again for Christmasss! =)
& also possible New years party/ Ice Skating/ Beach during break?

Also i needa find a JOB!!!!!
so i'll be looking. =)

Man. senior year is getting better. i love it. Gooooooooooooood bye 2008.
HELLO 09! Shit. im graduating sooonnnnn!! Collegeee! =)

You know... There are times when things are just out of our reach and cant really make a change if we tried. but what we have control over is just how we just do things this year. so make the best out of it. Even with the sweet & bitter moments. After all. Life is like box of chocolate, you never know what chu gonna get. =)

Just like in nacho libre,
XOXOXOXOxoxoxXOX,
Ohhsarang

Song of the day:
Can't Believe it- Jackie Boyz

.

Like what the fuck.
You seriously think you can do that and just think you can get away with it?
The only reason why youre doing that shit is because you aint getting some.

& i seriously thought i was considering starting fresh with you.
BUT i thought wrong. thanks. another mistake just avoided.
Go screw yourself. I'm pretty sure youre good at that anyways.