Its called the past, cuz im getting past it.

Its been awhile.
I'm just pretty much tired of a lot of things.
im just so sick of school. drama. and just some personal complications.
but everyone has that. Well im pretty much tired and ready to sleep, but i just need some mid-night venting sesh to do. ten things i just want to say.


1) You need to watch what you say. I don't care if its about me youre talking about, but dont talk about the people i love. thats where you have crossed the line. I saw you as a great friend, but all i see now is a person who turned into a total hypocrite. Yeah, you said you would do whatever it takes to make sure im okay, but doesnt look like at all. You only think of yourself. You think what you say is all right. You think. You say. YOU YOU YOU! Never in my life have i met someone so selfish. so cruel. so immature. Im sorry, but this time, if you want me to stick around, you just get your ass over to me to talk to me. If you dont want to bother with me, fine. I can move on. espically with someone who wasn't even that big of a deal to me. Hope youre happy now.

2) I know its been awhile since we've talked and we're pretty much done with. but i still hope youre well. and i still want the best for you. Just because i keep my head down when youre around, does mean i dont see you. trust me, i can hear you -_-. but i just know, i havent been the best friend i can be. Ive said some awful things. And i can't take it back. but i honestly think, youre fine without me. Looks like youre doing good. so lets just keep it this way. thanks for everything.

3) Im just kinda glad we got close again. It still breaks my heard that i almost lost you. thanks for being here.

4) I dont know what happens, but i just happen to smile everytime we talk. idk if its just the fact youre just a great person to talk to or something. but youre really a great friend. i know times right now are tiring and you want to give up. but don't. dont give up. keep going. keep fighting. cause at the end, everything you've been fighting for, is worth it. =) lets go my soullljaa! hahaha

5) I miss the fact that we don't talk as much anymore. I really miss you. I know youre doing well and busy. But i just want to let you know, im just so happy for what you are doing. And i honestly i am happy when youre happy. So stay happy! (: take cares!

6) Im sorry. but it was awkward.

7) I honestly don't know what to say. its just during these past months i felt that there wasn't anything left. I thought you moved on to better things. Better things than me. And that gave me the push to go on and move on. But its just everytime when im about to step out the door, you just hold on to me and telling me not to go. It seriously breaks me apart the fact something is still there, yearning. I honestly want things to go back exactly the way thing were on that day. I tear up everytime i think about it. Not because im sad that is gone, but just how happy i was then when i was with you. But the fact is things have changed. And once our path just split apart into two diffferent directions. I'm sorry. I love you. but i have to go on my own way.

8) I know im not perfect. but believe me. im trying to do whatever it takes to atleast make you proud of me. im trying....

9) I miss you. Its just sad youre not here with us. The whole family misses you. I miss you so much. But i know youre in a better place just looking after us. I'm at ease youre doing well and i know youre in good hands. It just tears me up the fact you remembered me when you didnt remember the rest. And just how you smiled and firmly shook my hand everytime we came by to see you. Its just so bittersweet. But i love you and thank you.

10) You still inspire me till this day. Hopefully i get to see you again. I have so much things i have to tell you.


Yeah.

But i'm le tired.

Well all i have to say is that this week seriously got off to a really bad start.

first of all. im freaking sick. -_-
i haven't been sick in 2 years, and when winterformal rolls up... i get a cold.
like seriously i can't stop coughing and its killing my throat! im like in anatomy class and my throat starts to tickle and i seriously can't stop coughing. -_- and im pretty sure people are like, shut up! so, i try to hold it in. not a good idea. i start to tear up and tears are falling down my face. Camille, Jen, and Dominic are like looking at me if i have some kinda emotional stuff going on. but no. its this stupid cough. ANYWOOS! im still sick. but im getting better! yay.

Secondly, i've had some drama going on.
im not really gonna get into detailed with this. cuz its just something that you don't want to know. End of story.

Thirdly, i'm stressed out.
graduation is getting closer. i need to order my gown and cap, grad nite tickets. T^T which i have NO money for. Seriously, please donate to the Eunice Fund. =) hahaha. I need to get a job cuz im broke. i think im eating too much cuz of this stress. -_- not good. A lot of projects. ah shit. i just remember...i have english to study for -_- BLEHHH! just shoot me in the face. =(

So in conclusion...
I hate this week.

but on the upside, im doing okay in math&gov, since i get the stuff. and i got my acceptance to UCR. coooooooooool. now just waiting for my UCI admission. *fingers crossed* winter formal is this sat. yay. and i am just getting closer and closer to college. =)

Other than that, i hope everyone is having a better week than i am. So happy week to all you munchkins. =)